'Die Hard' a Christmas movie? Bah, humbug!

Let's get one thing straight.

Die Hard is not a Christmas movie, never was, never will be.

When I think of Die Hard all I think about is Bruce Willis walking on broken glass, cut, bleeding, in tremendous pain and under duress trying to stop a bunch of international hoodlums from stealing money and killing a bunch of innocent people.

But what is the most incredibly troubling thing about this is the notion that it is trending for weeks as a point of conversation among folks across the nation who apparently have had their share talking about fake news and want to talk about something important that is relevant to them.

So here are some rules I've come up with about Christmas movies that will make it easy for you to categorize and classify, identify, quantify and collate what's what.

Christmas movies MUST:

Be something the entire family can watch, without holding your hands over junior's eyes during the Christmas Eve sex scene.

Make you laugh (in a good way, not that evil sinister way like Hans Gruber)

Make you feel good (and not the kind of good you feel like when you see Hans Gruber falling to his death)

Allow your children to go to sleep afterward dreaming of sugar plums, not getting blown up in a helicopter trying to rescue people from a skyscraper roof.

Convey the true message of Christmas "Peace on Earth, good will to man." By the way, note that man includes women, lest we get lost in the sexist weeds.

Now there are those among you who I know can make convincing arguments that Die Hard and I'm sure Tora Tora Tora are both Christmas movies since they relate to events that happen around Christmas.

Again, when we do that we're taking things to literally. But it's not that plain and simple. Just because a movie depicts something that happens around Christmas does not make it a Christmas movie.

A Christmas movie is a feeling, a sentiment, not a timeframe.

Now, my lesson over, Merry Christmas, everyone. I'm shall take my leave, going downstairs to watch "Goldfinger" like I do every Christmas.

James Bond: "Do you expect me to talk?"

Auric Goldfinger: "No, I expect you to die."

By the way, were there any Christmas scenes in Goldfinger? I shall go find out now.