Domestic violence victims' advocate: If you don't feel safe, leave now
Harrison Thorp 11:34 a.m.
A domestic violence victim advocate said the best advice she can give to anyone who feels unsafe in a relationship is to leave immediately and get to a safe place. If they have kids, take them, too, she says. "It's very individual, but if you feel unsafe, you need to get out, you need to get help and you need to stay safe," said Terrie, an advocate for Haven, which serves New Hampshire men, women and children affected by domestic and sexual violence. Terrie, who didn't want to give her last name, said the reason it's important for potential victims to leave once they feel threatened is because "you don't know how or when it will escalate." On Tuesday the city of Rochester was rocked by a tragic Christmastime incident of domestic violence in which 47-year-old Brian Halsey is said have shot and critically wounded his wife before turning the gun on himself. Brian Halsey, of 2 Sunrise Driver, died at the scene, while his wife, Kristine, 45, was seriously injured. She remains in critical condition today at Portsmouth Regional Hospital. Terrie said prior to when the decision to leave occurs, it is always wise to engage your partner in talks about their behavior, whether it is violent tendencies, depression or suicidal thoughts. "Talking always helps," she said. "But if they stop wanting to talk, that's dangerous; then it is all internalized." Terrie said the mistake some intimate partners make is thinking they can either change the person or that they just can't leave the household. She said often having children makes it even more difficult. "We want to step in before it escalates," she said. She added that even when they do step in early, that doesn't guarantee a good outcome. Sometimes not even a protection order is protection enough, she said. The Halseys do have several children who are currently staying with relatives. Grief counselors are available today to aid students at various Rochester schools. Meanwhile, Rochester Police continue to investigate the incident as an attempted murder-suicide while awaiting autopsy results on Brian Halsey. Haven's 24-hour hotline is (603) 994-SAFE (7233) and walk-in services are offered locally at 150 Wakefield St. in Rochester. Haven also has offices in Portsmouth and Salem. Some general warning signs of domestic violence include
(adapted from National Network to End Domestic Violence)
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